My mom was always concerned about us getting cold in the Bay Area.
“Bring a jacket or you’ll freeze to death.” I think it’s because she was from Puerto Rico and couldn’t reconcile the climate here versus the tropics. Island people!
“Close the window or you’ll let the draft in.” That one. That one stuck with me for a funny reason.
I was 3-4 years old and we were living on Brussel St. in San Francisco when she would say that.
I didn’t take it the right way, because I was young and didn’t know the word “draft.” I did know the word “giraffe” from our recent, exciting trip to the SF zoo, so I thought she was saying “close the window or you’ll let the giraffe in.”
I was at an age where I found ghost stories and myths in general pretty exciting and terrifying, and the image that brought up was this undead giraffe-like skeleton floating through the window to get me. I had nightmares about this. When the wind picked up I would get scared. Eventually I found the words to tell my mom about it, and she laughed and told me what a draft really was. And gave me a hug, and consoled me. I was so relieved.
Fast forward 30 years. Therapy. Adult stuff. Sharing feelings. Fear. What was I afraid of? It was that dang giraffe again, in a new way. My therapist taught me how to dispel the myth: name it.
She also taught me another important thing: human beings heal by talking. I’m still a scientist at heart, I like systems with generalized rules and laws. This one was a shock because it was new and counter to my siloed education. It worked, and it still works.
The scariest thing you can think of are those you can’t put into words. The monster under your bed or in your closet. The undead specters floating around your life, messing stuff up.
You’re stressed. What’s going on? You are an emotional eater. What is it like? You’ve been through or are still going through trauma. Come sit by me.
The human imagination is what makes us quite unique in the animal kingdom. Your cat or dog doesn’t spend much time worrying about the future. We can envision the most beautiful dreams, and the most terrifying nightmares. Whenever confronted with a ghost, bring it down to size by naming it and talking about it with someone you trust. You can start just by journaling about it for yourself. What does it look like? What makes it so scary and powerful? What music does it like? Scary ghost music? What’s it drinking? Scary ghost drinks? Cool. That thought process is its achilles heel, because it derives its power from being indescribable. Name it, describe it, transcend it.
I will add that of course not all systems of dysfunction are simply matters of unpacking your vivid imagination. But let’s start with what you can control right now. The process for dismantling institutional systems of dysfunction is similar. Name them, describe them, dismantle them, and build something better in their place, together.
Coach Mauricio