Often the main struggle we have with getting to exercise, prepping our food or sitting to meditate is that we don’t have enough time. There are a million things to do: getting to work, chores around the house, childcare, making dinner. The self care items are left to be done ‘later’ and then later never comes. Then it’s a new day, you’re out the door, coffee in hand, speeding into the next day of innumerable things to be done.
What we prioritize is what gets done first.
Sometimes things are prioritized by distinct urgency, like a sick child or dropped coffee grounds on the kitchen floor. But more often than not it’s a moment in time where you weigh A or B, make a quick decision which you feel is more urgent, and then move on. And self care items rarely get prioritized in these quick split decisions, because the only person who they usually really matter to, in the long term, is you. Often others are depending on you to get the chores done, pick up the food, walk the dog. However, this approach of not putting ourselves first, not doing things that we know are restorative and health promoting, is a slow erosion of our well being. And it’s not something dramatic and loud, but quiet and slow, similar to a blood sugar that creeps up over years upon years, and then all of a sudden you’re sick. And once you’re sick, once you need medicine or intervention, then suddenly your wellbeing is prioritized.
All of this is to illustrate that it’s the default to choose the path where you place your self care low in your hierarchy of choice. And it’s natural, especially for women and caregivers, to find themselves prioritizing others in their choices. It takes a distinct desire, then action, to change your decision making process to prioritize yourself. How do you change such a habitual thought process?
Well, you can choose to hire a coach. When you do you’re choosing to prioritize whatever goal you have in mind when you sign up with them. Initially it can be difficult to figure out where you’re going to find the time to fit in what you want to achieve, but they are able to take fresh eyes to your schedule, help you find the space and time. And then they hold you accountable. So when you have that momentary wobble about doing the thing that feels like it has to be done versus the thing you know you will have to report back to your coach, you’ll often choose the item that you’re accountable to someone to complete. Or, you’ll get extra creative and figure out a path to accomplish both. But from your accountability to them, you’re building habits where you place your self care first.
The other way is to plan your week ahead. Block protected time for you to do your self care, whether it’s going for a walk outside, writing in your gratitude journal, prepping healthy meals. In setting out that time in the beginning of the week, you make a commitment to yourself to protect it at all costs. Do not give that time away to anyone, it’s yours alone. Usually most of these self care activities take 10-50 minutes per day. When we pull back and see the entire week as a block of time, this is a small portion of our day. It’s only when you’re in a time stressed environment, that giving yourself 30 minutes for a ‘personal’ thing, seems to be too much.
As with anything, the habit gets stronger over time as you practice it. I found myself this morning in that momentary pressured thought of feeling like I needed to urgently write the blog and didn’t have time to do my gratitude journal. But then I had this delicious pause, where I noticed my reactionary thought, pulled back to see the bigger picture and decided to do my gratitude journal. And even just the act of me choosing to do my self care item, is in fact, self care.
And that was my quiet, self loving win for the day.
Choose yourself.
You’re worth the effort.
Coach Sarah, FNP-BC, MSN